10 reasons we miss our best friend.

1. They are always pleased to see you.
2. They always have time for you.
3. They always laugh at your jokes (even if they are not funny).
4. They let you cheat at backgammon.
5. They laugh at the same old boiled-egg swap joke (even if they are late for work).
6. They make you hamburgers whenever you want them.
7. They make the best sandwiches in the world.
8. They like the same tv programmes as you.
9. They don't mind if you ate chocolate that was meant for them.
10. And most of all, they will always love you.

So make the most of your time together.

How your pet can inspire you

Sometimes, it is nice to know what your cat is thinking. Here's what I think via letter, the things my girlfriend's cat is thinking when he is eating his duck in gravy supper....

"Dear Mum, Dad and the Cats at the Cats' Home,

Enclosed is a photo of me in my new abode. No, I'm not eating (again): somebody glued my paws to the floor and I can't move. Hehe. Just yanking ya chain. I wanted to tell you life is good out here. In fact, I think I have got it made. Plush carpet, nice chair, cranked-up thermostat, toys, food for life (all the duck in gravy I can eat). I still make a mess when I eat, I must say. Nothing's changed, I hear you say.

In the evenings, I sleep on the sitting room carpet, next to a piping hot radiator. It's sheer bliss, you know? And my owner's like, "Aw, he's got Chewbacca legs and rabbit teeth," and I'm like, "What rabbit teeth...?" Later on, I get to sleep on the bed with my new owner and her boyfriend. I think it's fun, especially when the light goes out. I don't fall asleep straight away. I think cat thoughts. I feel wanted, you know? Sometimes, I even sharpen my claws on the quilt in the middle of the night. I can also sharpen my claws on the sofa and the carpet:

My favourite item to claw is the sofa because I like the scratchy noise. Sounds like tearing velcro, you know? When I claw it, she's like, Oy! But I scratch it three times then give up. Very soon, she will have to buy a new sofa and it will serve her right for telling me off.

When she's at college, I scratch it five times without stopping. I repeat this six times in six hours.

I might start clawing the curtains, too. Who knows? I have to keep my claws sharp. Maybe film and post a video online about my exploits? It's exciting stuff.

Oh, and I can jump onto the dinner table in two clean leaps. Chair, then table. Around six in the evening on a Saturday night, I have been known to tuck into the remains of an unwanted supper. Scientists got it wrong: fish and chip suppers aren't fattening.

My favourite toy is a long strand of thread. I go absolutely nuts when I play with it. Sometimes I have a mad half-hour when I run up and down the landing with my yellow ball. See, I pretend he is the mouse I am hunting tomorrow.

I wanted to say there is hope out there for you, even if the boss woman of the Cats' Home said I wasn't fit for re-homing. (Ex-squeeze me?) Daft mare. 

Keep well and hear from you soon.

Lots of love,

Waylon (my new name--I like it: makes me feel like an outlaw.)xxx"

How supermarkets can fire your creativity.

"Recently, I was a victim of a prank. For a laugh, somebody put me on a supermarket check-out....

And it turns out, all along, that I had a bar-code on my back..."

Why drawing comics is great fun.

I enjoy drawing comics as much as toy photography. I am not sure there is a reason why drawing comics is fun. All I know is that it is a welcome break from toy photography. Changing art mediums is a good idea: it can enhance your creativity. There is also the thrill of trying out new pens.

Art shops, too. Any excuse for visiting art shops. I love visiting art shops. I am not sure why, but the smell of paint, carbon and aerosol make me nostalgic.


Enjoy....comic strips don't have to be perfect--mine are rough sketches. Sometimes it's much more fun to draw the roughs because you don't have to worry about technique: telling the story is more important here.

To recap: changing mediums is a good idea--very often, a project can become stale; and sometimes drawing comics allows you to go wild in your sketchbooks. 

Actually, it's not necessary to use a sketchbook. File paper or photocopy paper is just as good (and cheaper, too). Create. Because you can.

How to create a story in ten minutes once again

Two days earlier, we had this little chap waiting at the chippie for his sausage, chips and curry sauce.

The mouse story at the chippie was part of a filler for something much bigger: in other words, a link between one story and another. Let's have a look at how the story unfolded. 

Ask yourself what happens when you go to a chippie. Write a list of things and work those experiences into the story.

Let's look at the scene before he queued for his his meal.

At 11pm on a Friday night, the mouse entered the chippie in a pensive mood. His bills were piling up. He wondered how he might pay his electricity bill.

"Darn bills," he said. "Must auction off my cheese knives online...sell my cheese photos...cancel my subscription to Cheese Eaters Illustrated..."

His thoughts rudely interrupted: suddenly, the mouse turned his head. He was startled by the arrival of a drunken bear with a drum. Thumping a drum. "Brilliant," the mouse said to himself. "A real Ace of Diamonds, aren't you, sir?"

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

So the mouse queued for his supper, ignoring the bear.

When he ordered his portion of sausage, chips and curry sauce, the man at the fish bar said to him...

"Sausage, chips and curry sauce...AGAIN?"

And the mouse said,

"Well, why not? You think I eat cheese all the time? Well, I don't. I got high blood pressure, the doctor says. Goodnight."

And the man at the fish bar said, "Oh, right. Goodnight."

But he knew the mouse would be back tomorrow.

And the mouse also knew he would be back tomorrow.

Have a go writing a simple story. A ten-minute piece of work. It is important that you don't procrastinate: just do it, create. Like I say, create.

Because you can.

Claim token :  QM23W9FNZ8JU

Create a better life for yourself.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to aim high in life. We all have dreams. We have feelings. So let's aim high. It's not impossible if you really try. 

This little chap has dreams and aspirations.

"I'd like to fight the heavyweight champion of the world...."

How to create a story in ten minutes.

I like to tell a story or create a snapshot scene using different photographs of a toy. You can also do the same. It's a quick and easy thing to do, if you want a brief story to use as filler in a bigger story.

For example, if you wanted to create a scenario where a mouse visits a fish and chip shop, you could use four photographs to show the mouse moving in a queue.

In the last photograph he will face the fish and chip server and say the words below,

"Can I have a sausage, chips and a curry sauce, please...?"

It's a simple and fun task that takes no more than ten minutes. Enjoy.

How public feedback helps you create fresh posts.

In today's entry, I want to show you how public feedback helps you create new posts. In away, the approach is almost like cell division.

For example, yesterday's post is one whole cell.

Public feedback splits the cell, so you have two posts--the second one being a fresh post waiting to be written.

Yesterday's post, which featured a picture of a cat...was meant to focus solely on the cat, but there was a comment, "nice washing on the radiator".

Having read this, this, you could be inspired to create another post. 

For example, on the theme of washing, you might be inspired to take pictures of laundry and talk about the colour scheme in the pictures:

        

Or...you can go the opposite way and post a picture of a cat next to a radiator with no washing in the background. Two more posts for you.

Then you tell your joke. But I am told, jokes are not funny when they are repeated. So....

Why humour is important....

I think blogs should post the odd joke or two....

What do you call a wildcat-turned actor? Colin Feral.

Why it pays to be busy, busy, busy...

This story below, outlines the reasons to be busy, busy, busy.

"Dear Mum and Dad,

I know you worry very much about my career in the movies. I want you to know I have branched out. For example, I have become a poster model. 

Better than that: I collect royalty checks for being a stencil for t-shirts and mugs. See the picture on the left--that's me.

It's much better than the stint I had in the museum, dressed as a warrior. I don't think you ever saw a picture of me in warrior costume (below). 



See what I mean? 
These earrings never suited me. 


Here are some other stencils. Let me know which colour is your favourite.

Personally, I think green is mine. 

In short, being busy, busy, busy has improved my CV. I want employers to think I am doing other things rather than sitting at home with the telly.

Maintaining a strong work ethic, you know? That's what it's about...adding a few strings to your bow.

And it pays the rent, too.


Your ever-loving son, 

Dennis xxx..."

How The Robot Saw The Light, Became The Light.

We begin this blog post with a story, How The Robot Saw The Light, Became The Light.

Once upon a time, there was a robot and his friend, Jason. They lived together in a small house in London. Their hobbies included Su Doku, football, fish and chips and computer games.

Oh, and it's worth pointing out that Jason invented the robot. So good was the invention, the robot could even cook fish in his microwave belly while playing the piano. When the piano didn't sound right, the robot (with the fish still cooking) became a piano 'tuna'.

The robot had never been happier. His past life as a kettle was nothing more than a footnote for his memoirs, nothing more....




They spent many hours playing computer games.

Then they spent many hours remembering footballers' names.

Then later, Jason said to the robot... "I got something to tell you. The news will be hard to take in...."

"I'm running off with a kangaroo," he said. "We love each other and we're running away. This means I'm leaving you."

"Oh," the robot said. "Maybe I can come and say goodbye? Say farewell to an old chum?"

"Oh no," Jason said. "We'll never see each other again. I'm leaving you for good."

"For good?" the robot said. "I thought we were friends forever?"

The robot looked at him. And although he was made of a kettle and a microwave with metal limbs attached, he still had a heart.

He heard his friend open a suitcase.

He heard his friend stuff a suitcase.

He heard the 'phweeee' of the zipper on a suitcase.

Then he said to himself. What about me? What about me?

But Jason left the house with his suitcase.

He waved his friend goodbye.

Then he thought, maybe he'll come back....




He waited until the night came.









Then he waited until the sun rose.


And until he became a pop art postcard that sold in the shops.

Then he was all alone. He realised that without Jason, he would have no money to pay the rent.

He wouldn't have a roof over his head.

He wouldn't have a room with a bed.

And most of all, he wouldn't have a chair for his Ted.

So the robot applied to be a street lamp. He heard it paid good money. And he would meet new people, too. This was something he wanted very much.

And he lived happily ever after.

Improve your methods of storytelling.

Spark words are very important when you are brainstorming for new ideas. So far, the word, "family" has generated many new ideas. 

This time, I want to show you a technique called the camp fire technique. This method will help your story grow organically.

I am sure you know this: to create a camp fire, you need sticks, bigger pieces of wood, logs, matches and you get fire and smoke. Then you have warmth. Maybe the fire is used to cook fried eggs or a meal of some sort. Afterwards, the group may have a sing-song round the camp fire.

Now, each item in the camp fire represents a component used in storytelling. 

For example, the sticks represent the main characters.

The bigger pieces of wood represent other characters in the story.

The matches represent the theme of the story.

The fire is the drama within the story.

The fried eggs or sing-song represent the minor characters or sub-plots or themes or inner thoughts that add to the drama.

The smoke is the outcome of the story.

Maybe this will help you craft something special. Maybe the components will help you structure your story? Maybe you can grow organically, with the recurring themes cropping up in the character's life?



Give it a go. To start yourself off, create a character that is an office bully by day but by night, is a lonely alcoholic who yearns for female companionship.

What goes through his mind? What is his life path? How ambitious is he? Why is he a bully? Is this because he follows orders and is happy to pick up a pay check at the end of the month? What's his place of residence like?

I think that office bullies need horse-whipping for many reasons, although they make good story characters. And good characters are the preserve of any organic story. They allow the story to grow. And that's what you want from any story. Can't say much more than that.

How "spark words" can help you create ideas--Part 2

Continuing with our theme of 'spark words' and using the term, 'family' as a trigger to help you create stories, here are five more items you could write about.

1. How your mother and father met for the first time. What was it like for them when they met? Was it love at first sight? 

I haven't a clue how my parents met for the first time. They refuse to say, so I can only guess.

2. What went through your father's mind before he met your mother? What were his goals in life? Was he a hit with the women? Or did he have friends to egg him on? Maybe you could write about that?

3. Now do the same for your mother. What was she likely to be doing before she met your father?

4. Write about their wedding?

5. Write about the arrival of a newborn in the family. How did your parents prepare the house? Did relatives go out of their way to congratulate your parents?

Mine said, "I don't care if she's given birth to a monkey."

6. When relatives visited the newborn, what was the experience like? Were they praiseworthy or downright rude?

Mine said, "He doesn't look like either of you..."

7. Describe your first day of school. What did you have to do in the run-up to school? What was it like in class, meeting new people?

8. Homework. Write about that. Write about the teachers that assigned you homework: who gave you easy homework and who gave you mountains of essays to do?

9. Detention: did that make you late for dinner at home? What happened then?

10. Talk about the family vacations. Did you sing any songs in the car during those long journeys, or did your father listen to the car radio?

11. What upset you the most when you took a family vacation? Was it learning that your dog was not coming...AND...was going to stay at kennels. What reasons did your mother give? How did you react?

More to come. Enjoy.

How "spark words" can help you generate ideas.

Spark words.

The use of "spark words", that is, words that generate little sparks of ideas...ideas which can grow into something much bigger.

Different people will come up with different ideas.

For example, the word, 'family' is a spark word. This is because each and every one of us grew up differently, which shapes our definition of 'family'.

Maybe you could write about the following,

1. The best Christmas present you ever received.

2. What was it like seeing your parents getting ready for work?

3. Describe a day when you were ill. What was that like? How did your parents or family members look after you?

4. Write about a time when a family member subjected you to their fury. What was it like to be shouted at?

5. Did you live a family life where you were over-protected by your mother and father? What was that like? Did you feel suffocated? Did you envy your peers who were allowed to roam the streets at night while you had to go to bed?

Your family may not have consisted of blood relatives. For example, you may have been adopted or grew up in a children's home. How did that shape the way you viewed the world? 

More to come over the next few days.

'Hair' we go again

Men: have you ever grown a beard and learnt that your spouse did not like it?

Write a story about it.

Women: imagine a day when you woke up to a beard on your face. How do you react? Do you let it grow? If so, why?

Write a story about that.




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Location:Riggindale Rd,London,United Kingdom

Why this won't bring in £4500pcm.

When you start blogging--and this is where most bloggers give up--the early days of blogging is mostly a labour of love.

If you have a good content strategy and enough information to get your readers coming back for more, your blog will slowly build a fan-base.

Allow your blog to grow organically, like a vegetable garden and over time the rewards will come.

You may have noticed I don't have Adsense. I personally think it's too early to even think of monetizing your blog. It's a case of sitting back and telling stories.

I belong to an old school of thought that believes slow and steady wins the race. In other words, just don't expect overnight success. Or £4500pcm: it doesn't happen like that.

Tonight's story: a lone Stormtrooper rides off into the distance with his two companions to become gold prospectors in the Yukon. Unprepared for the harsh realities of the cold, how will they manage? What will they do for money? More importantly, will they make £4500pcm?





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Location:Pretoria Rd,London,United Kingdom

How Your Local Coffee Shop Can Help You Stay Creative.

Sometimes it is good to take a break from the workplace. You wonder that because you have been working hard, you cannot "find the time" to be creative.  

Maybe you can't, but that's because you're not MAKING IT HAPPEN. You need to make it happen in order to be creative. Even five minutes will suffice. After all, big oak trees were once little acorns. 

Let's take the example of a coffee shop. Buy yourself a coffee and a chocolate muffin. Sit back and relax: you deserve it. You have worked hard. You have earned it. Maybe workplace has made you worry about your artwork or your writing. In the coffee shop, you will find little gems to inspire you.

For instance, you could:

1. Outline what you like about your coffee shop. Why do you like to come here?

2. Outline what you hate about your coffee shop. What sort of things make your blood boil? 

3. Study people in the coffee shop: maybe there is a woman talking to herself in-between sips of coffee. Why does she talk to herself and what do you think she is saying?

4. Watch dramas unfold: maybe a love relationship is breaking up? Maybe a mother is reprimanding her adult daughter for borrowing money from a loan shark.

5. Plonk a toy dinosaur next to your coffee and take a picture.

Now you've got five things you can do: the first four are little gems you can take away to use as story prompts later on. Or maybe you can just keep them in your notebook for a later date.

There are other opportunities/happenings in the coffee shop. Maybe confidence tricksters visit and try to trick baristas out of money. The possibilities are endless.

In that half hour (at least, I am assuming it is half-an-hour), you have MADE TIME TO BE CREATIVE without worrying about finding time to be creative.

It's called being productive. It's fun when you enjoy yourself and enjoy the work in the coffee shop.

Ten Ways To Remain Creative

1. This is probably the MOST important: ALWAYS carry a notebook and pen. This is vital if you want to record your ideas or write stories. You don't need an expensive notebook. A 99p notebook will do fine. You don't need an expensive pen. A biro or a roller ball pen will be fine. Or a pencil, for that matter--Captain Scott of the Arctic/Antarctic wrote his letters using a pencil.

I carry an A6-sized notebook and roller-ball ink pen. I cannot abide biros. The most important thing is to write using a pen you are comfortable with. In fact, do carry more than one pen. I carry three pens in case one pen runs out of ink--easily done.

2. Read everything, whether it is newspapers, magazines, journals, comics, books of different genres, poetry, cereal boxes etc. Read voraciously so you may learn about the world, so you may learn new things, and you find humour in the least expected of places. Obituaries, for example can reveal some interesting insights about the lives of men and women.

3. Watch foreign films and quality documentaries: these can be very meaningful and tell a story that can be heart-rendering and very moving, sometimes not necessarily with a clear-cut ending. Blockbusters don't provide that.

4. You are an artist. You deserve the best. You need quality sustenance to nurture your talent. It is not a good idea to live on the cheap or compromise on quality. For example, if you are going to have a sandwich or make someone a sandwich, make a really good one using home-made bread and rich ingredients. Show people what you are made of. After all, you DO want your sandwiches to be the talk of the town, don't you? Regarding drinks: if you are going to have cola, don't buy supermarket cola: go for an international brand (unless you do like supermarket cola in the first place). When you live like a king or queen, your talent will unleash itself and soon you will create amazing works of art. Look after your body and the rest follows.

5. Keep yourself clean and your workspace tidy. You may be an artist or a writer, but you also need to maintain a professional appearance. For example, when you meet others at parties or gallery openings you will meet people that will show an interest in you. Conversations may spur you to write something your notebook afterwards.

6. Write about five things that happened to you at work today and explain what was so terrible about them. Who was the villain? Was it your boss? You could incorporate these incidents into a later story.

7. Count your blessings. Ask yourself why you are lucky to be alive. Ask yourself what you give to your friends and what they give to you in return. Try to remember the name of the kindest person in your life and write about him or her.

8. Get a pet--a dog, cat or gerbil. If you are an artist or photographer, then you have a life subject that will happily offer you numerous sittings forever (as long as you feed them!). Human models can be an expensive business; and not everybody likes human subjects. Dogs and cats as subjects sell well.

9. Get some rest. Sleep is important. You should not shirk on your sleep. A dog makes a great afternoon nap companion; and moreover they warm you up faster than any old radiator. To recap: all you need is a sofa, woollen blanket and dog.

10. Visit new places. It's all very well visiting your local coffee shop every day, but as an artist and writer you should visit places you have never been to before. For example, old cemetries with overgrown plants. Bring a camera. And take your dog with you. Love and companionship is important.

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One Way of Making a Card

Method: Garden with flowers and one dinosaur.

Difficulty level: beginner.

Supermarkets sell plastic dinosaurs at extortionate prices. You do not need to be paying this kind of money. Instead, visit your local charity shop and you may find a few retailing cheaply.

Now, assuming you have your dinosaurs, plonk them in the garden next to a flower and take various pictures. All done in two minutes!

Location:Rydal Rd,London,United Kingdom

What You Should Know About Good Storytelling

First of all, the secret behind good story-telling is: don't write something lame. Make your story interesting. Write a good story with a twist. Write about the unexpected. After all, the reader has paid money or visited the library to get your book.

"I'm coming...ready or not!!..."

So...don't write something lame. Why not? Well, it's boring. I remember my English teacher saying to us, "write something funny. I could do with a laugh...."

No, my English teacher wasn't Miss Krabapple. She wasn't pining over broken relationships (or maybe she was), but she did sound despondent. She spoke with little will-power. She was devoid of energy as if a drug trip had slowly worn off.

She must have got bored of reading dull and uninspiring stories. Who can blame her for wanting something funny? Maybe her salary wasn't enough to make her smile, so she took solace in reading?

Reading is an escapist past-time, so you...as the writer have a duty to make the story as exciting as possible. Otherwise your book will end up in the bin.

Everyone has a story inside them. A favourite genre of mine is the confessional story. These make inspiring stories. For example, you could write about how you stole a needle and pricked each and everyone of your parents' contraceptives, and nine months later, your little sister was born.

That was a story a friend told me. She would tell me how--as a child--she would spy on her parents' nocturnal activities and wanted to add more spice or danger. Fair enough, I suppose.

A great story, nonetheless. I say great because we, as people, are interested in other people and what they do in life. We hope they are living a worse life than us because then, we can take pleasure in their misfortune.

This is called Schadenfreude. We don't wish to know or be reminded how bad our lives are. We want something to take us away from our own pit of misery and look at others'. Maybe that's what my English teacher meant?

How to come up with story ideas using sheer coincidence as a prompt.

The writer Paul Auster keeps a notebook about the coincidences he has encountered in his life. Then he uses them as story prompts. In fact, he has (to my knowledge) used two examples to weave a story.

Now why can't you do the same?

Write down in your notebook, a list of coincidences that you encounter. For example this may involve bumping into an old school friend while travelling in Uganda. Or you may be a police officer that arrests a prostitute who used to be a colleague.

Give it a go. You never know, something may come of these story ideas.

Location:Rydal Rd,London,United Kingdom

Some advice for artists

"You don't have to re-invent the wheel every time you do something new--choose a core pattern that works, then focus your time and energy on making something people find remarkably useful."

Josh Kaufman: The Personal MBA

Very good advice. There is much more in Josh Kaufman's excellent book, The Personal MBA. A very good book, I strongly suggest that you buy it. I cannot recommend it enough...and it is also very entertaining. It's one of the few books I've enjoyed reading this year.

How to tell a story using five plot points

I have always said, start a story in the middle of the action. So, to continue the story of the killer dolphin, I am writing the sequel to the first one by introducing a new police chief, Chief Whitevader.

Plot Point One: Chief Whitevader is driving his car, until he is stopped by a group of party-goers playing their instruments to celebrate the 4th of July.

"Hoi, you kids...get out of the way...."

Plot Point Two: Chief Whitevader learns it is carnival day at his island; and that there has been another dolphin attack on an unsuspecting member of the public. He decides he has to do something about it.

But his actions are thwarted by the Lord Mayor.

"Listen here, Chief Whitevader. I am the Mayor of this little island. If the public wants a carnival, then they will have a carnival. Don't go giving them scare stories about drunken dolphins roaming the streets attacking people..."

"We got a drunken dolphin problem. What was it the politicians said? Yeah, that's right...casinos and bars are not addictive. I am telling you, they couldn't be more wrong."

"Think of the economy. Think of me with my drum. I got an ulcer. Listen, Chief Whitevader...don't make me tell you again or I'll take away your badge...."

Plot Point Three: This is where business gets sticky: Chief Whitevader decides to sweep the issue under the carpet until he stumbles across CCTV evidence of a member of the public disappearing and mauled by the drunken dolphin. He has a problem: he can't ignore it. 

Plot Point Four: The story gets nastier: Chief Whitevader is confronted by a member of the public. She slaps his face. "How could you do this?" she says. "This dolphin ate my husband like a shish kebab. Now I'm all alone."

The Lord Mayor looks on. 

"Bet that slap hurt like something special, hey Chief Whitevader? You okay?"

"Well, I'm wearing a helmet, so I guess I'm okay. Poor woman, though."

Plot Point Five: The Conclusion. This is where the character (Chief Whitevader) has to take action to wind up the story.

Chief Whitevader finds the Dolphin in the casino flirting with a stripper. But the Dolphin, in a drunken rage, turns on Chief Whitevader; and in his defence, finds and crams a fire extinguisher in the Dolphin's mouth, which causes an explosion in the stripper's changing room.

She screams: but as the Dolphin blows, the problem is solved....and Chief Whitevader can go and enjoy the carnival.